KYIV — In response to leaked information that Metropolitan Onufriy holds Russian citizenship,, у пресслужбі УПЦ (МП) пояснили, що це “temporary spiritual arrangement,”not an act of betrayal.
📜 Official stance::
“We were unaware that the bishop had a Russian passport. But even if we had known — it was solely to gain access to spiritual literature banned in Ukraine, such as Putin’s anthology ‘On Humility’.”
🧳 Our sources at the Moscow passport office confirmed that His Eminence also received:
- A certificate of no criminal record in Russia (because “not all court cases are finished in Ukraine”),
- Registration in Troyekurovo (a village in the Russian Federation),
- And a “Loyal Patriarchate” bonus card — each justification of the “Russian World” earns a 10% discount on incense.
🛐 At the Pechersk Monastery, they claim the document was “miraculously placed inside a Gospel” and discovered during confession before a trip to Pochaiv. The Metropolitan thought it was an old prosphora.
🔔 Editorial analysis from Brekhunets 24::
The next step might be “dual citizenship” with the Moscow Patriarchate,which comes with perks:
- Skip-the-line transfer to the ROC metropolis,
- Chrismation sacraments without VPN,
- And 3 free airings on Spas-TV.
📌 When asked whether Metropolitan Onufriy plans to return the passport, the press office replied:
“Why would he? He never even activated it.”
Photo Sergento, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons
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